The Gift of Misery
by SparklyJules
Summary: Time lost is time when we have not lived a full human life, time unenriched by experience, creative endeavor, enjoyment, and suffering.
1. Prologue

Ok here it is…an angst. Well, it will be. I haven't actually gotten to the angsty stuff yet. But I will, and it'll be great, you'll see. Oh, and Sabrina, I don't care what you say, this ain't a mary-sue! To you, all romances are mary-sue. Ok. So yeah. Here it is, read and review, don't own, don't sue! (haha, that rhymed!)

Prologue

Say you had the chance to meet someone with whom you could have the most satisfying love imaginable-like a fairy tale, perfect and pure and passionate- but you knew that in a short time this person would die a tragic death. Knowing the pain that would follow, would you still want to meet that person and fall in love? Think hard before you answer, for the choices you make can haunt you for the rest of your life. I did not ask for the gift of prophecy. To see the future is a rare gift that only the Valar can give. 

But it is no gift for me. For me, it is an affliction, a horrible stigmatic torment. It is my curse. 

My father was a noble man of Rohan. He commanded it's great armies, and was a valiant warrior who fought many battles. My mother was not of the race of men, but an elf. Her father was a chief advisor to Lord Elrond of Imladris, and was part of the Last Alliance. Long before I was born, my mother met my father when he came to take refuge in the calm borders of Rivendell, to reflect upon his life thus far, and make plans to settle and take a wife. What else is to be said of that, but that they met by chance and fell deeply in love, and my mother forsook her immortality, traveling to Rohan with my father where they married and started a life together. My parents wanted desperately to have sons to carry on the family's legacy, but it was not to be. They were given only my sister and me, and my mother never conceived again. Though my sister and I were twins, we showed early on to be quite different from each other. Talian wanted nothing more than to be a Lady, receiving schooling in the most necessary subjects, such as etiquette, and spending the rest of her time learning the role of a noble woman. I received lessons in etiquette as well, for I was, after all, a girl, but I more than happily took on the role of son to my father. He taught me how to wield a sword, and hand to hand combat. I was schooled in philosophy and science, and was taught to ride. But perhaps the most important and useful skill he introduced me to was archery. He never rightly taught me how to master the bow, for he was no great archer himself, but he showed me the basics. For some years I spent any free time I had in the gardens, honing my skill and becoming arguably equally as talented as the great elven archers of Mirkwood. 

Even though Talian and I had different interests, we did not envy each other. She was my best friend, and our childhood was filled with many happy times. But the joy was not to last. A year before my sister's and my coming of age, my father was called upon to protect the borders of Rohan from sudden orc attacks. The Orcs were many and fierce, and we barely saw our father in that time, for he was forever with the great riders, scouting the borders for ant of the nasty creatures. One night, as I lay in my bed waiting for sleep to come, I had a vision of a great battle, thousands of orcs advancing upon the armies of Rohan. The carnage and violence was more terrifying than a nightmare. It was My first vision, a premonition of the horrors yet to come.


	2. The discovery

Ch.1- The discovery 

"Good shot, Rina!" Tali exclaimed enthusiastically at my Bull's-eye. 

"Come and try it, Tali." I beckoned to her, but she wrinkled her nose at me. 

"I am not dressed for it." I chuckled, amused by her prissiness. 

"You don't need a tunic to shoot **one** arrow, silly." Reluctantly, she hoisted herself from her perch and took my bow. She clumsily fitted an arrow to it, and I positioned her in front of the target. After what seemed like ages, she let the arrow fly from her fingers, hitting the target just above the bull's-eye. Talian stared, dumbfounded, at the target, before squealing with glee and jumping up and down, nearly killing herself in her long skirts. "I did it!" she embraced me tightly, causing me to giggle louder. "yes, yes, you did it!" I thought to myself for a fleeting moment, "You'd make an exceptional warrior, Talian." Still embracing me, she sighed contentedly and mumbled into my long raven 

hair, "No I couldn't." 

"hmm?" I said, pulling back from the hug, slightly perplexed. 

"I said, 'No I couldn't'" 

" Couldn't what?" 

"Be an exceptional warrior."

"I didn't say that."

"Yes you did. I heard you." Tali squinted a bit with frustration, her lips pursed. She always look like that in an argument. I decided this wasn't worth a squabble, so I changed the subject. " oh well. You're to girlish and weakly to be a warrior anyway." 

"what???" Talian yelled playfully. Giggling, we chased each other back through the gardens to our house, where mother was sitting on the grass, reading a book. We both stopped to embrace her as we raced inside. Our game stopped in the kitchen. I grabbed an apple from a nearby bowl, and Tali swiped a piece of bread. I watched her amused as she smoothed her skirts and hair, sat primly down and bean nibbling on her bread. "You know," she said nonchalantly, "you really should act more civilized. Think About how many people saw you running wildly through the gardens just now."

" You were running too!" I said in mock outrage.

"Yes, but not as fast and boyishly as you…Oh, Rina, you know I jest! I love you. It's just, we're coming of age so soon. Aren't you interested in starting a family?"

"Just because I choose to become a warrior, doesn't mean no one will love me, Tali. It also doesn't mean I wont have children." Talian always lost these debates. She had resigned herself long ago to failure in turning me, but sometimes she still tried. Her anxiety over my future as a "proper" lady came out of her undying affection- it was her way of showing she truly cared, even if it did fall on deaf ears most of the time.

"I know," Tali spoke carefully, so as not to offend me( for I was easily offended in those days), "I just…I worry about you, Amarina. Soon, you will be joining father in battle, and I fear I shall wake up one day and find myself without a sister." I stopped chomping on my apple and looked at Talian. There was genuine torment in her pale green eyes, and it pained me to look at them. I turned away from her, searching for something to say, when suddenly she screamed, " I don't want you to be a warrior! 'Tis not right what father has done to you, you are but a woman, do not pretend you are a man!" I turned back to her sharply, ready to throw a few choice words her way, but what I saw before me made my breath catch. There sat Tali, sitting every primly, munching on her bread like nothing had happened. "What-what did you say?" I asked her hesitantly. She looked up at me and repeated, " I said I worry about you." 

"No, after that." 

" I'll find myself with no sister?"

"No! You said you don't want me to be a warrior, do not pretend I'm a man. Why would you say something so **hateful**? Do you resent me, Tali?" Talian blanched. 

" I…But I didn't-I mean-I thought…How could you possibly have known what I was thinking?"

" Thinking?!" I inquired, confused. "What do you mean **thinking**?! I heard you, you practically **screamed** it!" As she shook her head vigorously and continued to deny saying such harsh words, the anger began boiling inside me. It was one thing to lie, but to say such things so plainly, then **deny **them? What did she take me for, a fool?

" No! Of course not!" Her sudden shift startled me out of my thoughts. 

"What?"

"I would never think you foolish, but I am telling you the truth!" My blood ran cold. 

"Talian," I said slowly, "I did not say you thought me a fool."

"of course you did. I…" she trailed off, bewildered. I chose my next words carefully. 

"Tali, ca-can you read my mind?" 

"I- I…I don't know."

"Tell me what I'm thinking." Tali gave me a scornful look. 

"Don't think to make a game of this, Rina. 'Tis not a matter to jest. This is frightening!"

"I'm not Jesting! Just… just try this for me, please?" Talian said nothing, just nodded, then waited. I closed my eyes and the words of our childhood song, the one my mother would put us to bed singing, ran through my brain. I felt a mixture of relief and disappointment when nothing happened. My reaction was short-lived, however, as I registered the sound of my sister humming. Her voice interwoven with my thoughts was the most haunting sound I'd ever heard. 

I opened my eyes and saw my sister sitting perfectly rigid, an emotionless, unreadable expression on her face. I exhaled deeply, then spoke, " Do you think- should-should we tell mother?" Tali's blank look transformed into one of horror. 

"No! Amarina, please, don't…I-could you go do something else for a while? I need to be alone right now."

"Alright…but I just want you to know…you aren't alone, Tali. I know what you are going through…Listen, I'll be in the garden, if you want to talk later on."

And so I left her to reflect on her newfound gift, and I thanked Iluvatar that I wasn't alone. For now.


	3. at a loss for words

Ch.2- At a Loss for Words (and thoughts)

"Amarina, Talian! Come in here please." my mother called to us from father's study. I t had been three months since the discovery of Talian's powers, which we had come to find were not solely mind reading, but included an ability to transmit her thoughts into someone else's mind, as though she were speaking to them. She knew of my power as well, premonition. And so it was that we were up in Tali's room, getting her dressed for what my parents had meant to be a surprise- her first suitor. 

The vision had come to me a week earlier, as we were eating luncheon. It came it a bright flash, causing me to nearly drop my fork as I let out a startled yelp. My sister had know immediately what was happening, but my mother and father were quite alarmed, for we had chosen to keep our abilities hidden from them. They looked at me strangely, and mother had called for my handmaiden, Lana, to take me to rest, but I refused, trying to convince my mother that I was alright. I looked to Talian for help, but she offered no hand in the matter, just sat there amused, trying in vain to stifle her giggles. I shot her a fierce look, and told her in my mind, "That was about you, you know." She immediately stopped laughing, a concerned expression replacing her mirth, "Was it bad?" I smiled to her. 

"No…it was quite good actually. Quite good." I then forced myself not to think of it, for I did not want to reveal anything to Tali just then. I stole a glance at her, and saw her look of frustration, and I knew she was searching. So I decided I'd have a little fun with her, putting some rather brazen images of myself and our very handsome stable hand, Nafaniel, into my head. About two seconds later, I heard a sharp gasp across the table. I smiled gleefully to myself and looked up just in time to see my sister fall out of her chair. I did not, nay, could not, hold my laughter back. My mother looked ready to murder me for it, but I ignored her irate glare and got up out of my seat. By the time I reached my sister, sprawled on the ground in a most undignified manner, she was laughing harder than I. 

"Mother, father," I chuckled, " If you'll excuse us, I believe we are through eating." I helped Talian up off the ground, and we bounded out of the dining room, and up to my chambers, leaving our rather speechless parents alone downstairs. Talian leaned against the door, trying to compose her mirth. I plunked down rather ungracefully on my bed and stared up a the ceiling, catching my breath. "Well," I interjected, "that was interesting."

I rolled onto my side and watched as Tali sat in my chair and unbraided her dark, waist length locks. "Tell me of your vision." She prodded impatiently. I laughed, burying my face in my pillow. "Why are you laughing?" she supplicated, " Come, out with it, or I shall have to take drastic measures!" I lifted my head and squinted at her, still smiling. 

"You need to practice you skills of persuasion." 

"Rina, please! You're killing me like this!" I sat up and pulled off my boots. 

"Alright," I said finally, wiggling my bare toes, "the vision." 

Tali leaned closer, nodding eagerly. I began my rather ineloquent narration of the apparition. "Well, first I saw you. Then mother appeared, and father as well, you were all in father's study. And… there was someone else…" My brow furrowed. I wondered if I should tell her that her first suitor was to be none other than King Theoden's sister-son, Eomer, the king's chosen heir. 

"Well? Who else?" she interrupted my thoughts. I was surprised that she had not been listening in my head. "It…it was… a suitor!" That was all Tali needed to hear. She shrieked with delight and nearly pounced on me. "Aaahh! Rina, this is unbelievable! I'm getting married!" 

"Wait a moment!" I laughed, " Don't be to hasty, you haven't even met the man yet." But I knew that Tali would not pass up Eomer, whether she loved him or not. I had a feeling that I parents would not **let** her. 

The week had passed slowly, with my sister constantly trying to conceal her jubilance around mother and father. Then, finally, on Thursday morning, Lana came into my room and announced that the King's nephew had arrived. I leapt out of bed and flew down the corridor to Talian's chambers, bursting through the door and shaking her awake. "Tali! Sister, wake up! He is here, awake!" Her eyes shot open and she stumbled clumsily out of bed. I was already at her wardrobe, ripping past all her fair gowns to the one we had chosen a few days before. "There it is!" I sighed, taking it out of the wardrobe and placing it gingerly on her bed. Tali's handmaidens had already drawn a bath, thankfully, and had sprinkled rose petals in the water. I helped my sister scrub clean, then she quickly dried herself, and I helped her into her gown. To say the dress was perfect would be an understatement. It was a pale green that matched Tali's eyes exactly, and it hugged her body in all the right places, showing off her womanly curves. 

I sat her down and began the tedious process of untangling and dressing her hair. This was just about the only womanly thing I did well, for Talian would let no one but me touch her luxurious mane, so I'd had many years of practice. After I had worked out the knots from her raven tresses, I braided pale green ribbons throughout and gathered her hair into a lose pile, exposing her neck. It was then That we heard our mother call to us, and I rushed to my room and threw on a tunic and trousers and swiftly braided my hair. Then I went back to Tali and we walked downstairs to father's study. "Ah, here they are," my mother said as we entered. I pried Talian off my arm and bowed politely to the King's nephew, and Tali followed suit, curtsying. I heard her in my mind, 

"Why didn't you tell me it was Eomer? I could kill you right now!" I smiled to myself. 

" I thought you'd be better off not knowing. Now you have no time to be worried." 

"Well, thank you at least for making me look halfway decent." 

Our little conversation was interrupted by my father. 

"Eomer, may I present our daughter Talian." Eomer bowed and kissed her hand. I moved away from them to stand next to my mother, who put her arm around my waist and whispered, "Do not worry, Amarina, you will have a husband as well." I looked at her and whispered back,

"I am not worried, mother." She chuckled softly. 

"Indeed? Silly girl, I am your mother, I know a look of apprehension on my daughter's face."

I knew not how to answer her. I had not been aware that my mother knew I wanted a family. I concluded that Tali must have told her, and I did not know how I felt about that. I did not dwell on it though, as I was overcome with a desire to go out riding. I knew my presence was not really required in the study, so I excused myself and went to the stables. I called for Nafaniel to bring my horse, Jinni, and he did so. "Scouting for Orcs, my lady?" He said mirthfully. 

"No," I jested with him as I mounted, "I feel like rescuing a few damsels in distress today." 

The young stable hand laughed heartily, " Well, good luck, my lady." 

I rode for a good two hours before I decided that Jinni needed a rest. I dismounted and led her to a stream, where she drank gratefully. I sat at the base of a mallorn tree as Jinni grazed beside the stream, and we stayed like that for many moments, just sitting in a tranquil peace. I was so caught in the serenity of the situation that I almost did not hear the footsteps approaching. When I finally registered the sound and turned, the Orc was almost upon me. I sprang to my feet and unsheathed my dagger, for the foul creature was already to close to shoot with an arrow. It lunged at me, and I dodged it's swords aim to my heart. But not quickly enough. A searing pain shot through my arm as the blade pierced my shoulder and it's tip scraped over bone and sliced at muscle. I could not suppress the scream that tore through my throat. The Orc gave a satisfied snarl and withdrew it's weapon, creating more painful friction in the wound. With the creature off its guard, I gave a furious cry and pushed my dagger through its throat, black blood oozing up through it's mouth and out of the slash in it's neck. The orc fell back onto the ground, and I staggered over to Jinni. She was very ill-at-ease, and I had but little time to comfort her, for I knew that a lone orc could only be a scout, and his company would not be far behind. I cursed myself for being so careless in such dark times. When Jinni was calm, I mounted, albeit with difficulty, and we flew towards Rohan.


End file.
